In a recent group discussion with a circle of NYC Private School Moms, the subject of cliques was discussed. Not the cliques that involve children making certain friends and ignoring the others around them in favor of just those few. No, the discussion was about the cliques that are formed within parenting circles and the ways in which these cliques affect the kids themselves.
Parenting cliques have always been there. They are the same type of groups that gravitate towards one another in the office and in friendship circles. They started in early childhood and, while the players and the environment occasionally change, the main theme behind it does not. The only difference in a parent clique is that there are ramifications for the kids involved.
Many parents who find themselves ignored at Drop-off and Pick-up are the type of person who generally keeps to themselves and ignores the dramatic goings on of the water cooler politics. While this works for them and keeps them out of the volatile mix of a clique, their child, who may not be so introverted, is going to pay a certain price. How much depends on the parents and their willingness to notice the problem and take steps to change it.
You see, the parent that is not involved with the others is simply not going to be thought of or called for the spontaneous play-date, the last-minute movie trip or the big birthday party bash. Even if their child is outgoing and friendly, it’s the parents that make the invites when kids are young, and the parents choosing or, at the very least, reinforcing their child’s choice of friends.
For those parents involved, or not, in a parent clique, try and keep in mind that your child may be missing out on a fabulous friendship because of your choices, not theirs. Also remember that making friends is hard at any age, so give the new Mom or Dad a shot and say “hello” at drop off time.
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